A Summer of Surprises

2007-01-30T03:12:00.000-08:00

1/30/2007-

Yesterday my trio had a master class with members of the Brentano String Quartet, the ensemble-in-residence at UNC (although that doesn't mean that they live here, so I don't quite understand the term) . I think all four of them went to Julliard, and today they play in concert halls throughout the world. I've seen them play together several times, and I'm overwhelmed by how musical they are.

They come to Chapel Hill a couple of times a year to give master classes and perform. And I always wonder what they're thinking of us. Because they're definitely used to conservatory-level playing, and we're--well--not quite the same. I can picture them going back to their rooms at the Carolina Inn, laughing at us.

But I don't think they are laughing at us--because during our master classes, they treat us with a lot of respect, and work with us from where we are. And I know I always get a lot from their musical insights.

(Not to compare them to God)--but I imagine that God looks at us in the same way, only on a much larger scale. He is so much greater than us, and still he wastes his time with us silly, sinful humans. But He doesn't complain or laugh at us--He takes us where we are and draws us close to Him, allowing us to shape our identity in Christ.

2007-01-28T22:11:00.000-08:00

1/29/07--I'm 2 decades old!!!! Crazy crazy!!

One week left till my recital--it's crunch time for sure! I had my first run-through with piano, and it was actually quite horrendous. I was not please with my playing at all--very discouraging, since I liked it so well in the practice rooms. (I have this not-so-hypothetical theory that everything sounds so much better when it's just me by myself)

Anyway, although I was really discouraged, it was not the end of my violin-playing for the night. I switched modes entirely as we began planning for worship at Wesley. The music there very much has the feeling of being thrown together at the last minute, but it always ends up ok.

There is a great truth that I learned early in life, and that is that "even if you mess up completely in church, it's ok, because it's your church, and they love you anyway." What a completely different atmosphere than the perfectionism of Hill Hall! Because it's the heart of worship that really matters.

(And then, when I walked into my room, my roommate and friends surprised me with balloons and a Diet-Dr.Thunder-cake (because they were too poor to buy eggs :)--again, a great surprise!! i feel so lucky to feel so completely & unconditionally loved!)

2007-01-22T19:54:00.000-08:00

1/22/07

I'm taking a class on the Qur'an this semester. I am sure that it will challenge my faith, and indeed, I hope that it will do so, but not even in a "convert-to-Islam" kind of way. From the very first day of class, my professor has made clear that because this is a public university, he will not be endorsing any particular faith.

We looked at some old manuscripts of the Qur'an and a few early English translations. Interestingly, the translators, who were Christian, did not ever seek an objective scholarly work; they just wanted to disprove all that was in it. With such a skewed presentation of the text, he translations are far from accurate.

it's interesting to me that the translators felt so threatened by this book of--in their own words--fiction and falsehood. Why couldn't they trust the people who read it to make their own judgment about God's truth??

I spent a good portion of last night rewriting Surah 93 in rhymed English verse (my assignment). I think the thing that bothers me the most is that I have spent more time reading the Qur'an this week than I have the Bible. The Bible should come first. (Obviously).

But I think the issue is greater than that. Because Reli 490 is just a class, right?? And the issue is, how much more time do I spend on SCHOOl than I do on church??

2007-01-21T05:01:00.000-08:00

1/21/07--Retrograde

The rehearsal dragged on & on & on. It was our second night to struggle with the pieces of our upcoming concert, and they are, well, difficult. Earlier in the day, I tried to be a good music student and practice the music on my own but gave up in frustration because the Nielson was so hard. (not a very good strategy, in hindsight)

I felt bad for our conductor. Everyone was clearly ready to leave (myself included), and he had to keep us in there and correct our wrong notes over and over again.

But there was this little voice in my head that said to me, a bit wryly, "what right do you have to complain? shouldn't you be thanking God for the opportunity to play?"

I know it's cheesy, but I listened. And it's amazing how much that lifted my spirits. Because if you start to thank and praise God for one thing He's done, then that just illuminates other things that you see around you. And you tend to get caught in this cycle of praise and thanksgiving and of understanding, as best as you can, how many blessings He really has bestowed on us!

2007-01-16T04:15:00.000-08:00

1/16/07

In the past week, I have been a part of two AIM conversations that dragged on for far too long:

1. The first was a "heated discussion" that I tried several times to end before it got ugly. But the person to whom I was talking refused to let the issue die. Perhaps it was not the healthiest thing for me to continue the argument, but I ended up talking--and becoming progressively more frustrated--for a while.

2. The second was a conversation with Jordan at 1:00 in the morning. Both of us were completely exhausted and needing to wake up early the next morning, but like middle schoolers, neither one of us wanted to say goodbye! Each time that one of us became convinced of the necessity of going to bed, the other would think of something to say. This continued for quite some time, both of us being so excited to be able to tell the other about our lives and concerns and thoughts.

I sometimes wonder if our relationship with God is some sort of conversation. And if so, which kind is it? Do I approach that relationship with a sense of obligation, resentment, or excitement?

And if prayer time is our chance to have that kind of real conversation with Him, why is it so easy to let that aspect of my life go by the wayside?

Another AIM conversation from last night:
SuperCal187: He never ceases to amaze me
SuperCal187: which is in itself a blessing
meghan2887: me neither, He's a pretty cool guy
SuperCal187: haha yes He is
SuperCal187: you know what?
SuperCal187: God is the only word that surpasses im-speak
SuperCal187: & gets a capital letter
SuperCal187: & an immediate apology for a misspelling
SuperCal187: i guess He understands regardless but its still kind of cool
meghan2887: yes it is
meghan2887: i agree

2007-01-15T22:02:00.000-08:00

1/16/07

I spent an incredibly perfect MLK weekend in Kinston, NC; it was so nice to be with a real family, in a real house, in a real neighborhood (quite a change from the on-campus bubble!)

On Saturday, we practiced to play in the church service at Queen Street UMC. Although we stayed up on the youth floor for nearly four hours, it didn't feel like we had gotten anything done! By the time we left, everyone was frustrated and tired.

After dinner, Justin and Cameron (guitarist & bassist) came over to hang out and play Guitar Hero. Somehow in the middle of that, Leah and I decided to figure out the string interlude to the Jars of Clay song "Flood." And that gradually turned into a spontaneous jam session that lasted another four hours---only this time, it was so productive and fun that we could have kept playing all night!

How lucky we are to be able to make music for the Lord! And also, to be able to meet new people and instantly be united by a common purpose! Those are two of the most beautiful things about a church community--truths that have described Christians for 2000 years.

2007-01-12T04:14:00.000-08:00

11/12/07

I was talking to one of Jordan's friends yesterday about the Louisiana Methodist Children's Home. The students who live there typically have been referred either from the juvenile court system or from parents who cannot handle them anymore.

At one point, he said, "To them, you're the coolest person in the world, just because you're hanging out with them. They know they're hard to love."

I thought about it a lot, and it occurred to me that his explanation was one of grace. On a larger, God level, we know we're hard to love. We are acutely aware of the times when we screw up, and sometimes we have a hard time even loving ourselves. But that it what makes God's love for us-- his "hanging out with us in spite of everything-- such a wonderful gift!

2007-01-11T19:01:00.000-08:00

1/11/06--

Book-shopping has a tendency to become a several-hundred-dollar ordeal, but I feel quite lucky this semester to be taking "paperback" classes. The downside is that there is A LOT of outside reading, but novels compose the majority of my reading lists. I can buy some in the "Classics" sections of used bookstores, which drives down the price to $5ish dollars!

Searching for cheap books today, I found this quaint little store on Franklin Street that immediately became one of my new favorite places in Chapel Hill. (I use the term "little" loosely--it had the feel of a tiny homeowned shop but contained more books than any other used bookstore I've ever been in!)

Anyway, as I looked (unsuccessfully) for a certain translation of the Qur'an in the religion section of the store, I ran across a book entitled "The Who's Who of Heaven."

I've heard of similar books that exist for students and professionals, but I really wondered how any author could speak so authoritatively on the subject. I pictured some guy up in heaven trying to take an organized census. Or maybe a Dante-like visitor who took a tour of heaven and hell and later made a list of the most prominent inhabitants? (which also makes me wonder--is there a "Who's Who of Hell?"--definitely not a book in which I ever hope to appear!)

I remember very little from my high school world literature class, but I do remember reading about how Dante picked out people he liked to appear in heaven and sent his enemies to hell.

Which, I guess, is not that different from what I do today. I judge people on sight and make my own decisions about who's in and who's out---even if I do it unconsciously (and I hope it will never guide my actions) that snap judgment is still there. I think everyone does it.

But the truth is, any kind of judgment is--and always will be--God's job...not mine.

2006-12-24T12:15:00.000-08:00

12/24/2006

It's been a while, and I've stopped counting the days--I guess now I'm just blogging.

For Christmas this year, my mom received a crucifix fish (a sailcat fish skeleton). It's actually quite creepy. But the card that comes with it explains just how well it relates to Christianity. The bones look like Jesus's body with a sword plunged into the side. And if you shake the skeleton, you can hear "dice being tossed for our Lords blood-stained dress."

Hmmm...

Let's just say, without the card, I seriously would be wondering why anyone would ever give my mom a skeleton for Christmas. And even with the card, I have serious doubts about the whole thing.

If you scroll down on the webpage that advertises the crucifix fish, you will notice other similar legends about the sand dollar and the starfish. Crazy, isn't it, that all these animals have such obscure ties to the crucifixion?

On the one hand, I do agree that God's great creation does--and should---point us to Him, no matter where we look. And it is certainly possible that he created the sailcat just to look like His Son on the cross. But at what point have we taken the symbolism a little bit too far?

Any store manager can tell you that Christmas is a great time of the year for symbols--no matter where we go, we are constantly surrounded by trees, bells, candles, Santa Clauses, mistletoe...and the list goes on & on.

In Sunday School today, we attempted to demystify the stories behind the symbols. Our teacher had printed a bunch of pages from the Internet and began reading:
"In the 12 days of Christmas, the partridge in the pear tree represents Jesus. The two turtledoves represent the Old & New Testament, and the three French hens represent three Christian virtues..."

"Wait a second," interrupted Philip. "How do you know that the turtledoves represent the Old & New Testament? It just sounds like they were looking for anything that corresponded with that number."

And indeed, that's exactly what it sounded like. I don't know whether the story was an urban legend or the bona fide truth, and if even one person is helped by the devotional, then it is worth it. After all, it doesn't do any real harm.

But as far as I'm concerned, the holiday itself--the story, its characters, the traditions--is already enough. And we should be seeing it everywhere we go. We are a Christmas people, we are an Easter people, and we carry that story with us wherever we go.

For me, such overwrought symbolism can't help but to sound false, especially in light of a much better story and a much better truth.

2006-08-09T08:45:00.000-07:00

8/9/06--Day 39!!

Last night I went to a young adult worship service at Grace. We had some individual prayer time, during which we were encouraged to use Scripture, construction paper and Crayons.
We ended the evening by reading Luke 11:1-4 (the Lord's Prayer). Everyone had a different version of the Bible, and everyone read at a different speed, so when we read it out loud, it just sounded like a jumble of noise. It was the coolest thing ever.

The experience reminded me of 2 things:
1. Modern Music--DeAndre and I were talking the other day about a contemporary compositional technique of creating an arhythmic melody. That is, everyone sings (or plays) the same notes in the same order, but they can play them in whatever rhythm, at whatever tempo, they feel like. It's actually very difficult to do, especially for classically trained people who have worked so hard to learn how to stay together! But, the end result is awesome!

2. Pentecost--I imagine we sounded a little bit like the apostles did on Pentecost. They all were speaking in different languages at the same time. But the people who were assembled all spoke different languages, and so the noise was a blessing--everyone could find an apostle whom they best understood. In the same way, certain translations may "speak" more to one person than another, & we were able to have all of them going at the same time. And, like the Pentecost experience, all of the messages were the same. We were all praying to the same God--& that is what really matters!

2006-08-09T08:39:00.000-07:00

8/8/06--Day 38!! (as caught up as I'm going to get, I think--now I can do it daily again)

Debbie recently went on a week-long float trip on the Colorado River. She told me yesterday that she was extremely nervous beforehand and had prayed to God:
"God, I know that Kenny needs this float trip & I want to go, but I don't know if I can do it. If You'll just reveal Yourself to me every day in the form of a butterfly, then I will know that You are with me & that I can do it."
(paraphrased to the best of my memory)

"And Callie," she said, "there were butterflies every day! The first few days were giant yellow ones"--she held out her hands to show me how big they were--"and they would fly around the boat for about five minutes."

She asked the guide whether this was a common occurrence, and he told her that he had never seen anything like it.

"The last few days, they were smaller ones & they would come & fly around our tent." But they were there, everyday. Or, more to the point, God was there everyday.

2006-08-09T08:20:00.000-07:00

7/30/06--Day 37!! (jumping forward again--just to give you an idea, this is the last day of WOC)

Laddertop Experiences

I spent the vast majority of my day at the top of a 30-foot ladder. Much of the time, because of space limitations, the ladder was almost at a 90 degree angle with the ground. I didn't think I was that scared of heights--but let's just say that every step I took made me even more aware of the possibilities of falling. And that was a little bit unnerving, especially considering that there was a barbed wire fence below me!

Being alone up there gave me a lot of time to think about faith as I painted the underside of the roof. We all think about the heavens being above us; therefore, it only seems natural that going up as high as you can could very well bring you closer to God. I mean, just look at Moses and Elijah. Being on top of a mountain worked pretty well for them!

Psalm 121 says
"I lift up mine eyes to the hills--where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip--"

That last part was pretty comforting; after all, ladder rungs are pretty narrow!

I usually tend to think that mountaintop experiences occur when you are as high up as you can go spiritually. But don't you think that there were times, when even Elijah & Moses were afraid?
Take Elijah, for example. He's up there on Mount Horeb, & a wind comes and shatters all the rocks. Do you think that there is any part of him that wonders if the wind is going to come after him next? Then there was the earthquake, then there was the fire.

When I think of mountaintop experiences, though, I think of the whisper. The comforting presence of God. The knowledge that God is here, in this place, with me.

But sometimes there's a lot that has to happen before you ever get to hear the whisper!

2006-08-09T08:16:00.000-07:00

7/8/06--Day 36!
The top floor of the Mary Baker Eddy library features the press room of the Christian Science Monitor. When Eddy founded the Monitor, she envisioned a newspaper free of political bias and sensationalism. To this day, the paper's motto is "to harm no man and bless everyone."

I was fascinated by the press room exhibits and watched a video about the mission of the Monitor. One of the interviewees stated, "Good news makes you think..."

She used the word good to refer to the quality of the reporting, but I got to thinking about how our good news is the gospel. Do we spread our news with the same sense of purpose & professionalism that a seasoned journalist would?

The gospel is a living one. And if we don't think about it & wrestle with it, then it is not reaching its potential for us--or, more accurately, we are not reaching our own.

Quote (at the library)
"People see God everyday-they just don't recognize him."
-Pearl Bailey

2006-08-09T08:08:00.000-07:00

7/6/06-Day 35!!!!
We visited Salem, Massachusetts yesterday. That is, to say the least, a very unusual town. It has to be, given its history. The gift shops sell not only Wizard of Oz memorabilia but also real-life potions, pendants, and charms. The "Houses of Worship" section of the town brochure lists not only Methodist, Catholic, & Presbyterian churches, but also a Wiccan temple.

But perhaps the most surprising & amusing item was in the ladies' bathroom at the mall. It was the soap dispenser, whose sticker proclaimed that the shape of the soap in your hand could determine your fortune. For example, a little pink blob of soap would bring Eternal Happiness,a slightly bigger blob meant Danger, & a little blob with a swirl at the top would yield Prosperity.

Only in Salem.

I'm not even going to try to make some kind of spiritual analogy on that one. Just take it for what it is.

2006-08-09T07:50:00.000-07:00

7/5/06--Day 34!
Song of the day--Lord, I'm Amazed by You

First, a thought:
I once read about a study that sought to find out about the faith & religious beliefs of scientists. If educational level were plotted against faith level on a line graph, they found, the line would start at whatever the "average faith level" is, and continue with a steady but gradual, negative slope. Once it got to a certain point, though (very far along---very high educational level), the line would turn sharply with a very steep positive slope & continue far beyond the "average faith level."

In other words, science may reduce one's personal faith--to a point. Then, as all the inexplicable things come to light, the scientists' faith levels shoot up!

In the same way, here are a few things that amazed me today:

Music-I've spent the last year in school trying to learn how notes go together to create chords, and how the chords go together to create music. And I even had to write analyses about how the rhythmic & melodic figures can cause a particular mood or emotion. But after listening to the Pops play the 1812 Overture last night, I found no rational explanation for the way the sounds blend & weave together, lifting up the very soul of its audience and evoking all kinds of strange & spiritual mysteries.

Fireworks-I do not even pretend to know how they work. I am perfectly content just to sit there, as they seem to burst forward above me and push me backwards. Every once in a while, I even remember to close my mouth. I know there were people in the audience last night who understood exactly what determined their colors, shapes, & sizes. But I bet that even they could not help holding their breath as they watched the entire sky--the entire universe, for all we know--explode in a shower of white light.

God-Yes, we spend the majority of our time on Sunday mornings trying to learn about the stories in the Bible, the doctrines of our faith, & the history of our predecessors. But there is absolutely NO way to have an intellectual understanding of Him. If you ever think that you might be close, I have no doubt that He will completely blow you away.

2006-08-09T07:41:00.000-07:00

7/4/06--Going back in time a little bit--we'll still call it Day 34 though!! (sorry for the confusion)
HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!

I can think of no better place to be for this holiday than Boston! Not only is there an amazing historic backdrop (like I said, we spent the first day visiting important sites from the Ameican struggle for independence), but the Boston Pops plays their annual (free!) outdoor concert! Yesterday we went to their "dress rehearsal" & it was SPECTACULAR! Rockapella (from Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?--remember them??), Steven Tyler, & Dr. Phil were all special guests. The music was absolutely amazing--I could not believe that I was there! It gave me the most happy & patriotic feeling.

And then, just when I thought it couldn't get any better------it did!! During the Stars & Stripes Forever finale, there was an explosion of red, white, & blue confetti that rained down on us. As I said, "Yay America!"

In the context of this experiment, I would venture to say that God is like that. In the moments when we just think it can't get any better, He shows us that it can!
"For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part , but then I shall know fully..." (1 Corinthians 13:12, NASB)

Hallelujah!

2006-08-04T07:15:00.000-07:00

7/29/06

On our way to the worksite for the first time, the kids were in the back, discussing previous WOC experiences. One girl was talking about the Allendale neighborhood, saying that her work crew had been scared that they would get shot. As we drove into Allendale, another girl asked, "So this is the really bad neighborhood?" Someone in the car answered, "Yeah."

It made me sad. And angry. And it made me wonder why we are even here.

Perhaps that's a bit cynical of me. But the more I got to thinking about it, the more I came to hate the terms "good" & "bad." There is no such thing as a "good neighborhood" or a "bad neighborhood." Various places might have different crime rates, different income levels, different demographic make-ups---but that's not what's important to God, and that shouldn't be what's important to us.

I think WOC is a great thing. So often we go to faraway places on mission trips & plunge ourselves into a new place & new culture, but fail to live with an attitude of service. WOC allows us to join together with people in our own communities. The beauty of WOC is that you can keep it alive throughout the year, even when you're not on a mission trip. But do we?? Or do we leave & say, "Ok, well now I've worked in Allendale. Now I'm going back to my side of town, where I won't have to come in contact with all that mess over there."

I think people often come away from mission trips with a renewed appreciation of all the things and opportunities that they have. But if that is all we gain, then I think we have missed the point. I think we are called instead to gain an renewed appreciation of the people, places, and opportunities that make up the Allendales in the world. We are "service-aries," not "missionaries." We are called to respect the people for whom we work. Just as a servant would. Just as Jesus did.

2006-08-04T07:10:00.000-07:00

7/28/06--Day #32!---Lukewarm Worship

:/

After finishing our meeting at Weekend of the Cross, all the adults had walk in late to the first worship service. Trying to be inconspicuous, we all slipped in quietly, lining the back walls instead of pulling chairs up front. But it was kind of funny, because as they listened to the music, the adults were just as, if not more, awkward as the kids. It was as if they were trying hard to set themselves apart, either as being too hold or too cool to get into the music. A few clapped feebly, but many just stood there. And, I admit, I felt awkward, too. I was trying to find my place as a college student--neither fully youth nor fully adult. What exactly was I supposed to be doing?

As I looked around, I saw one particular youth director who had gone forward to join the crowd. And he was WORSHIPPING. And he was having a great time doing it.
He jumped high & hard, clapped his hands, pumped his fist in the air, stomped his feet. It was inspiring to watch, actually. He was doing exactly what he was supposed to be doing.

I thought to myself, God doesn't want lukewarm worship. If we're going to do this at all, we had better do it right!

2006-08-04T07:00:00.000-07:00

7/23/06--Day 31!!-GOD SHOWS UP!!

I've always wondered how preachers do it. You know--plan out services every Sunday morning, tinker with the inner workings of the church & congregation, day in, day out, without getting burned out on God. God, I thought, was spontaneous. Unexpected. At least, that's what this summer experiment has taught me. So where is He if the preacher is the one who plans out the details??

But, in Dave's words, "God shows up." He shows up in those unexpected times, but He also shows up when (& sometimes because) you expect Him to. I think that it rarely happens exactly how you had planned it, but it happens.

Take tonight, for instance. I was in charge of tonight's worship service & had planned it out way in advance. We were going to sit in a circle in the sand on the beach & have some time to reflect on the past week. This afternoon, however, Kenny & Adam found an even better location: the top of a lighthouse on the beach. What a fitting symbol for a group whom Christ has called to be the light in a dark world! (And it definitely got dark while we were up there!)

There was a moment in there, during the opening readings, that I worried about what I would say next. For some reason, I had forgotten to plan some kind of transition! But after Matt read the story about Jesus calming the storm, the musicians never missed a beat. They strummed softly as Erin began to sing:
Let it rain
Let it rain
Open the floodgates of heaven
Let it rain

It was perfect. Even after all 25 of us joined in the song, we could still hear the noise of the waves as they lapped onto the shore below us.

************************

One time on ASP, after the last night, which Brian calls "cry night", I wrote in my journal:
"I've never liked this night too much. I hate to cry, & I hate talking in front of people, & so I really have no desire to cry in front of them. So I never say anything."
And that was how it was.

When I planned tonight, I tried allowed time for reflection but hoped to avoid any times for awkwardness or excessive emotion. But, in the end, I was the one who found myself blinking back tears. Brian's affirmation was so nice & unexpectedly eloquent that I was taken completely by surprise. I respect him a lot & have gotten to know him better during this week. To hear him speak so honestly really touched me.

God definitely showed up tonight. I'm glad I was there for it.

2006-08-04T06:52:00.000-07:00

7/21/06--Day 30!!
We picnicked at Audubon Park last night--a full cookout, complete with greasy hamburgers & homemade ice cream (& river rats that were bigger than rabbits--but that's a completely different story)

We invited as our guests the many people whom we have met over the past week: Mr. & Mrs. Willard, Kat's parents; Johnny, whom they paid to help us; and Brian, a teenager who also worked with us.

Mr. Willard (or Doc Willard, Prof. Willard, Rev. Willard, or whatever else you want to call him) is quite a character, to say the least. He's 74 years old, has 12 kids and 30-something grandchildren. His background is in educational administration, but he sounds like the archetypal fire-&-brimstone-Baptist preacher. Kenny asked him to talk for a few minutes, & "a few" quickly turned into "almost an hour"--and he still had lots more to say!

He began by telling us about his religious & educational histories. His grandfather was a Baptist minister, but he grew up in his mom's religion, Catholicism. He went to a Catholic-run elementary school, Xavier Prep School, & Xavier University. "With all that education & religion," he said, "I would have to have been a red-eyed skunk to throw it all away. He paused. "But that's what has happened, historically, politically..."

Interesting. He's absolutely right. People have inherited centuries-old traditions of religion & then thrown it all away for some passing fancy.
Mr. Willard acknowledge that we often face times in which it is difficult to maintain our faith. But sometimes that's what faith is for--to prepare you for the times when you no longer can find it.

2006-08-01T08:58:00.000-07:00

7/20/06--Day 29!! (By the way, even though Terry Esau's experiment lasted 30 days, mine is going to last all summer--so don't get too excited and think we're almost done :)

Yesterday after Jeff's Evening Programs, it was letter-writing time. As an adult, I got to proofread instead of write them this year. As I was standing behind the table, reading Bekki's rough draft and eating Goldfish crackers, someone came up behind me and gave me a big hug. I turned around, and to my surprise, it was Kyle Davis! Kyle lives in Slidell, LA, and had gone with me to Mexico for two years, but I had not seen him in over a year. (Just to give you an idea of who Kyle is---one of my lasting memories involves him entertaining the kids in Juarez by walking on the tops of shovels in the sand)

It was wonderful to get to spend some time with him, catching up & reminiscing. Elizabeth, Audrey, Kyle & I (and whoever else was brave enough to join in) ended the night in true Mexico fashion: Ultimate Uno!

2006-08-01T08:53:00.000-07:00

7/19/06--Day 28!!
We started out the day by surprising ourselves---and everyone else on the road! Kenny pulled out of the church parking lot onto a one-way street---only we were going the wrong way!!
Once we got over being scared that we were going to die in a head-on collision, it was actually quite amusing to watch the other drivers' reactions. Some looked angry, other concerned souls tried to mouth the words "YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY" to us. Others just looked very, very confused. I bet we were quite a sight--a big black truck and trailer, taking over the road and only looking for a way to escape.

Thought of the day from C.S. Lewis:
"We all want progress. But progress means getting nearer to the place where you want to be. And if you have taken a wrong-turning, then to go forward does not get you any nearer. If you are on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; and in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive man."
(Mere Christianity, Chapter 5, page 29)

2006-08-01T08:42:00.000-07:00

7/18/06--Day 27!!
Surprises for Today
1. Critters!
-Snake: When we were eating lunch yesterday, Johnny came running up, saying that he had found a three-foot-long snake in the closet. Kenny named it Nick and then proceeded to chase after it with a rake, trying unsucessfully to chop off its head. That was the last we saw of him, although we opened every door very carefully for the rest of the day.
-Maggots: During our lunch break, we stopped at a Port-a-Potty (they were set up throughout the neighborhood for residents who don't have plumbing) & there were definitely maggots crawling in the hole. I'll save you the details, but it was very unappetizing!
-Roaches: They were everywhere!! They surprised us so much that we ceased to be surprised by them :)

2. Reality Checks!
-In Dave's sermon on Sunday, he talked about the importance of optimism. He referred to various people who had endured all kinds of tragedy in their lives but were still able to see the bright side. Yesterday, as we listened to Regina's story, she too thanked God for her blessings. But it is not some kind of blind, selflessly heroic optimism that allows her to see the good in her situation; instead, I think it's a deep, deep realism!
Regina did not sugar-coat her story. Some of her experiences just stink, no matter how you phrase them, and she recognized that. But she was just as matter-of-fact about her blessings as she was about her hardships. Both were-& are--a part of her daily realities, just as they also are for us. I think we are called to be realistic about both the things we don't like about our lives and the things that we do--but when we talk about those blessings, it ends up sounding like we are praising God--which, of course, we are!!

3. Tearing Down Instead of Building Up
-By the time we packed up for the day, we had taken out the sheetrock in most of the downstairs area, so that only the studs were remaining. It was the oddest feeling to look at the work we had done--completely unlike anything I've ever experienced on a mission trip before. On ASP, for example, even if you strip down a part of the house to its skeleton, you either replace what you've done or you count on the group after you to fix it. Here in New Orleans, even after we gut the houses, they might sit there, just as they are, for several years, before anyone comes around to remodel it. It's difficult to remind myself that destruction is just as much a ministry as construction.

2006-08-01T06:57:00.000-07:00

7/17/06--Day 26!
It took us over eight hours to make the 4 & a half hour trip to New Orleans--partly because we stopped every few minutes for a bathroom break, and partly because we got lost once we finally got to New Orleans. And when I say lost, I mean--so hopelessly lost that Ty jumped a curb in an attempt to find the rest of our group and ended up driving backwards on the streetcar line.

During the time in which we were going in circles, we got to see a lot more of the city than we had originally intended. But it was dark outside, so it was difficult to see a lot of the hurricane damage. I was actually amazed at how efficient the city seemed to be--the Interstate bridges were filled with car, and most of the areas we passed did not seem to have been badly affected. (As I learned later, though, a lot of the places that appear to be untouched in fact suffer a lot of structural damage from water and mold). But even the rundown areas could have fit in any city; had I not known that the hurricane had come through, I would have thought that they had just been a little bit neglected.

And as I was mentally complimenting this neighborhood for its avoidance of the floodwaters, Ty turned around and said, "This entire area was under water for almost a month."

2006-08-01T06:49:00.000-07:00

7/16/06--Day 25!!
(Just a side note---I have several journal entries between the last two posts, but they are in a notebook at home--so when I post them they will be out of order--but I think you can handle it)
Jordan's grandmother died yesterday. Although she had Alzheimer's for several years and her health had recently been deteriorating, her death was not at all expected.
Jordan got the news while he was at my house and immediately felt guilty for having enjoyed himself that day.

I understood his feelings. I vividly remember my own thoughts when I first found out that Mr. O'Connor had been killed in a plane crash. It was a Wednesday afternoon, and I could not believe that I had allowed myself to be concerned ith relatively unimportant things. Similarly, I remember that Bobra felt guilty for making small talk with my mom when she called the church to let them know that Momo had died.

But when you come right down to it, these feelings are somewhat illogical (not to say that we shouldn't have them). For one thing, there are very few of us who possess some sort of sixth sense to inform us when someone is dying. For another, there are people who are always dying. And if that sixth sense ever kicked into gear, we would be having that rush of feelings every 2 seconds. Death is one part of life, just as having fun is another part of life. As Solomon says in Ecclesiastes, there is a time and a season for everything under heaven. I don't think that made much sense, but oh well. It is midnight and I am tired.

2006-07-13T08:19:00.000-07:00

7/3/06--Day 24!!
I've taken a few days off! Very sorry, but to be perfectly honest, I'm pretty amazed at how well I've kept up with this thing at all. Usually even my best journaling efforts last only for a few days. I'm actually in Boston right now with my mom & sister. I could talk about how nice it is to be able to spend time with them, but that's not really a surprise: I always have fun with them!
But I was surprised on the Freedom Trail yesterday, which is a walking tour of Boston's historic cemetery. At the Granary Burying Ground, where Sam Adams, John Hancock, Mother Goose, and Paul Revere are buried, we happened upon a memorial to the victims of the Boston Massacre. The inscription itself gave me chills: . Then we happe

2006-07-10T11:31:00.000-07:00

6/28/06--Day 23!!
At the Open Door Mission, there were not enough jobs for everyone, and I spent the majority of the afternoon just trying to stay out of the way. This was really frustrating for me; as much as I "talk the talk" that being available, if not already working, is worth a lot, it is a difficult concept for me to grasp. I like to be busy, I like to have my little jobs to do, no matter how boring or monotonous. And I'm a little bit like that all the time, but especially on mission trips when I feel like I have a "mission" to accomplish.
But yesterday, depsite my frustration, I was sitting back, watching the work go on around us. And I ended up talking to this guy named Scott, who is from Nacogdoches and is 32 years old. He has been in & out of the Longview prison--or, as he put it, "more than once or twice"--& after being paroled last time, he came to Open Door. He said that hasn't lost hope, unlike so many of the men who are in there for so long.
And I thought, "Maybe that's why I'm just sitting here. And come to think of it, I'm not just sitting here."
Our conversation wasn't super-deep, & we didn't talk about God at all, but nonetheless I felt like God was there, showing me how to listen.

2006-07-10T11:21:00.000-07:00

6/27/06--Day 22!--Lessons from Pigeons
During our debriefing last night, we spent several moments sitting alone in complete silence. And I was just sitting there, talking to God & contemplating how great He is, & how much bigger He is than anything I know. It was too much to take in, really, & it made me wonder how anyone can claim to actually know God personally.
Just then a flock of pigeons walked by, unafraid of me. It seemed that all of them were normal-looking, iridescent purplish-gray pigeons. But one that walked by was a beautiful white with speckles of black. And I got to thinking (scary, isn't it?? Stay with me for a sec, even when it gets weird) about how many white pigeons there might be in the world, and what percentage of the world's pigeons are speckled. But if I had known those numbers, I might not have been in awe of this one special pigeon. God knows exactly how many white pigeons there are, I thought to myself. After all, He created them. But He can also see each one as being special.

On a larger scale, think of the Holocaust. Hurricane Katrina. The tsunami. Reporters and history books alike enjoy using big numbers numbers to explain the fatalities, injuries, property damage. If you're like me, those numbers simply fade into a statistic in the back of my head--not because I don't care, but because my mind can't really count that high. God, however, can care for every one of the millions of people in these stories. He can grieve with them & love them individually, & He can know their story. How awesome is it that the same Creator of the entire universe knows each of us by name!

2006-07-10T11:17:00.000-07:00

6/27/06--Day 21!!--A Different Kind of God-moment
I feel as though my previous experiences with "God-moments" have been, on the whole, extremely positive. I associate God's presence with a feeling of peace, of clarity, of love---even in the slums of Juarez or in the face of an absolutely appalling family situation.
Yesterday was different. God was most definitely placing something important on my heart, speaking to me, perhaps entrusting me with something. But looking back, I cannot remember one moment during which I felt at peace. Our prayer tour was intended to be a chance for us all to unwind & "be still & know that I am God." But for me, it was not a stillness in my heart; rather, it was a racing, speeding up, going crazy-frantic in my mind.
At Christ UMC one Sunday, the preacher spoke of "holy discontent"--the idea that God's disturbing you can be His way of speaking to you, & even more than that, spurring you into action. I identified with what she was talking about at the time--but never to this extent.

2006-07-10T11:10:00.000-07:00

6/26/06--Day 20!!
Genesis 6:4--"The Nephilim were on the earth in those days..."
The story of Noah is one of the most well-known in the Bible. The people on Earth were wicked, so God sent a flood and destroyed everyone except Noah's family, who had taken refuge in a big ark. Right??

Maybe not. During Sunday School yesterday (which I did not actually attend, because I was running errands around the church; thus my knowledge comes from Jordan telling me what happened) Jeanne Street told our class about the role of angels in Hebrew mythology, as outlined in the book of Enoch. Apparently these Nephilim people were angels who lived with the people on earth. They were the evil ones who had sinned against God by marrying humans and giving birth to giant, deformed creatures. The flood was intended to bury these half-breeds under the earth.

I'm not really sure what to do with that information, except to research and find out more about it. The Nephilim make me think of Greek gods or Titans, and their children seem little more than fantastic monsters. Obviously there's a reason that Enoch is not included in the Bible, right? But then again, what is this reference to the Nephilim doing, hidden in Genesis?

2006-07-10T11:08:00.000-07:00

6/25/06--Day 19!!
My biggest surprise was receiving letters from Jana, Jordan, & Poppy at the retreat. I actually had known beforehand that I would receive letters, since my mom was on the planning committee for the retreat. But what was in the letters was completely unexpected. I never planned to receive such touching notes, from anyone, & so it was a great surprise to feel so loved. Today inspired me to surprise other people in the same way!

2006-07-10T11:00:00.000-07:00

6/24/06--Day 18!!
Well, I took a leap of faith yesterday. A week ago, Debbie asked Hilary & me to lead the music for the women's retreat, and we agreed. Only yesterday did I find out that this really meant singing, not playing the violin.
I guess that I can carry a tune. I would have flunked out of the UNC music department if I couldn't. But as far as having one of those beautiful solo voices---that's just not me. God did not gift me in that way.

Most of the ladies on the retreat have known me since birth, and they are my church---I know that they will love me, no matter what! On the other hand, though, I didn't really want to make a huge fool out of myself in front of everyone.

But I did it. Hilary & I sang into the mike during the first session (I learned later, however, that it was not turned on). Then, guess what the topic for the first session was?? Vulnerability! How appropriate! We learned that God loves us, just as we are in every situation. Making ourselves vulnerable can sometimes be the best way to deepen your sense of trust in others & in God, & to develop more meaningful relationships. I can only hope that my singing experiences accomplished a little bit of that!

2006-06-23T09:18:00.000-07:00

6/23/06--Day 17!!
Yesterday was one of those rushing-around-at-the-last-minute kinds of days. Jeanie & I were trying (frantically) to get everything ready both for Junior High Mission Trip & for the Senior High Training Sessions. At about 2:00 in the pwe looked through the CSM paperwork "one last time" and learned that we needed to create & prepare a three-hour Bible school curriculum for the morning that we work at the Houston Bible Club.
For the next ten or twenty minutes, we tried desperately to get a hold of the Bible school activities from last year and began assessing the supply of popsicle sticks and markers in the craft closet. Only when we returned to the forms that they had sent us did we realize that the Bible Club is not one of our scheduled mission sites for next week. CSM has everything planned for us at our sites. What a relief!

Perhaps for my next surprise, I will remember to read the fine print!

2006-06-23T07:23:00.000-07:00

6/22/06--Day 16!
In preparation for the senior high hurricane relief trip to New Orleans, we are going to have two training/orientation sessions. Jeanie & I have been really busy getting the materials, handouts, etc. ready!! Yesterday it was my job to create role plays for the "sensitivity" section of training. The youth will pair up, so that one of them gets to play someone from Noel and the other person plays a hurricane victim. To create the homeowner characters I drew upon stories that people told me from their experiences in south Louisiana.

By the end of the job, I was drained. Somehow I had become emotionally attached to the characters I had made up. It was a sobering lesson to me--because if role plays are this difficult, I can only imagine what it will be like in person.

2006-06-21T06:58:00.000-07:00

6/21/06--Day 15
Last night was BUNCO night at UMYF. I prepared for everything in advance, setting up five tables (with a sixth one on standby, in case we had extra people show up) & getting out rules, score sheets, & dice.

6:00 rolled around...and there were eleven people. Total. Counselors included. Which was all well & good---they were, after all, truly wonderful people, & it was great to see all of them. However, we needed 12 people in order to play the game. After a very short panic moment (& with Bobra's help) I decided that all was not lost. Surely there was someone we could recruit!!

So one of the plastic pink flamingos became Player #12. And it worked. The poor flamingo lost all of his first six games, but later he got on a streak & even ended up at the winner's table. He may have gone through an identity crisis in the process, since each of his partners gave him a new name; as my partner, he was Mr. Flamingo, but at other times, he answered to Pinky or just F.

It added a new dimension to the game---one that we never would have found if we had had the right number of players to begin with. And who knows when he might make his second appearance in UMYF games....???

In other news, we had our second Bible study last night at Jeanie's house, & it was a smashing success! We talked about Moses, watched Prince of Egypt, wondered about what God looks like, & discussed what it means to be barefoot all the time. If you were there (or even if you weren't) feel free to add to the blog at any time!

2006-06-21T06:47:00.000-07:00

6/20/06--Day 14!
As one of my many unexpected tasks as the summer intern, I had the unique privilege yesterday of cleaning out the refrigerator on the youth floor. It was definitely an experience---but the job was badly needed. In addition to throwing out jars of mayonnaise that expired a year ago & doing inventory of chocolate syrup (we have six enormous bottles in there, in case you were wondering), I also got to clean the refrigerator shelves. As I was scraping off a blob of chocolate syrup that had spilled long ago & then solidified (yes, chocolate syrup does actually solidify after time, apparently), Jeanie walked by & lamented, "It's so sticky! Why is it always the sticky stuff that spills?"

In any case, it's the sticky stuff that lasts. If something like water had spilled on the shelf, no one would have ever noticed. It would have dried up without staining or sticking or damaging anything. But the sticky stuff--well, that's a little bit harder to fix.

On a spiritual level, this is also true. The sticky stuff that spills out into our lives is a problem--if you don't clean it up immediately, it will just stay there and become harder to remove with every passing day. And if you let it build up, you can't just waltz in one day & expect to find some kind of quick fix. You have to come prepared to do some hard scrubbing!

2006-06-19T17:00:00.000-07:00

Day 13 (Lucky 13!!)--6/19/06
Eddie's Sunday School lesson touched on a lot of the things that have come up for me during this experiment. The lesson was about God-moments & mountaintop experiences. We all talked about specific experiences that we have had & then discussed whether it is possible to "stay up on the mountaintop." Are our spiritual high points intentional on our part, or is God working in ways over which we have no control???"
Personally, I think that God is not making moments--He's reaching out all the time, 24/7. Maybe our God-moments are when we actually recognize His touch in our lives. As I was reflecting on times in my life when I have felt God's presence the strongest, I wrote down several moments throughout my life but realized that I wanted to add just as many moments from the last 13 days.
When I first started this experiment, there was a part of me that thought, "Will it really be possible to write about how God is working in my life every day??? But the real challenge has been picking out which moment to write about. Is this bombardment of God-moments just a coincidence?? I don't think so. I think I'm just a little bit more aware.

2006-06-19T16:55:00.000-07:00

Day 12--6/18/06
I have to say that I have been somewhat sadly surprised on this trip by the way that I have seen people treat each other. Even though this was a church trip, I saw people hurt each other's feelings, people complaining about stupid little things, people forming cliques & excluding others...
I'm not blaming anyone. By the end of the trip, everyone was a little bit on edge & ready to get off the bus. And I'm just as much at fault as anyone. But yesterday sure served as a wake-up call for me.
I wish all the Surprise Me, God surprises were good ones. But I think it's just as important to learn from the bad ones, too.

2006-06-19T16:49:00.000-07:00

Day 11--6/17/06
Awards Night is always my favorite night of Choir Tour---& yesterday was no exception. The seniors & eighth graders did a fabulous job of finding out all the stupid things we did during the trip & acting them out.
Last year, I remember that preparing for Awards Night was full of fun and "senior bonding moments" for Lee, Marty, and me. After it was all over, we all went upstairs & shared a group hug as we realized it was our last Choir Tour together.

Even though I've been in North Carolina all year & have been away from the youth group, I found myself getting really sad as I realized that Christine, Robin, & Rachel are going to be leaving!! I feel so blessed to have found my place back with the youth group for the summer, & I know that it will be just as hard to leave again at the end of the summer!

2006-06-19T16:41:00.000-07:00

Day 10---6/16/06
I think that the Surprise Me experiment does not ensure that I have more God-moments during the day. But it has definitely allowed me to find God in the everyday-moments. For example, yesterday on the beach at Lake Michigan, I found myself just plain praising God--kind of in a "Look at this beach! It's beautiful! Thank you, God, for making it!" kind of way, without any thoughts to what my friends were thinking!

In David Crowder's book Praise Habit, he says that we are born to praise. Even from the time we are little, we say things like, "Oooh, Mommy!! Look at that!" That's praise---but somewhere along the way we tend to lose our innate sense of joy.

Yesterday I felt like a little kid again on the beach--completely in awe of what I was seeing & wanting everyone else to see it, too!

I think this experiment would definitely be worth it, even if all it did was allow me to give more unsolicited praise to God!!

2006-06-19T16:35:00.000-07:00

Day 9--6/15/06
Yesterday at the Field Museum, we visited the traveling exhibit from King Tut's tomb. Tut's original name was Tutankhatun, meaning living (ankh) image (tut) of the sun-god Atun. However, early in his reign, he initiated a series of religious reforms which recognized other, more traditional deiteis in addition to Atun. Thus, his name became Tutankhamun, in honor of the god Amun.

At first I thought it was a little bit arrogant of him to name himself after a god. But after I thought about it for a while, I decided that it was a pretty powerful way to worship. Whenever King Tut introduced himself to someone, the other person would know immediately which god he served.

All of us are made in God's image, too. Can people tell Whom we serve as soon as they meet us??

2006-06-19T16:23:00.000-07:00

Day 8--6/14/06
Yesterday was full of surprises!! Too many, almost, to write about, but I'm going to try anyway:

#1. Jeanie's 50th birthday!
My day began at 5:15 am, when Shelly & I woke up & wrapped Jeanie in crepe paper while she was still asleep. It was a delicate process; every time she moved, we were afriad that she was waking up. Fortunately, she did not.
After she woke up & discovered her first surprise, we made sure that she was the last one on the bus. This ensured that we had enough time to "flock" her seat with 25 unique flamingos, each drawn by someone on the trip.
Finally, last night we surprised her by singing "You are my sunshine" in 4-part harmony & giving her a piece of cheesecake.
At the end of the day, I thought If I can have this much fun surprising one person, imagine how God feels when He gets to surprise six million people during every moment of every day!
I realized, however, that my joy in planning & executing Jeanie's presents came mostly from the delight that she obviously felt in discovering each new surprise. But what does God do when we don't appreciate His surprises?? When we grumble & complain & cry? I think He must be sad that we can't see what He's going to do with it--yet He keeps on surprising us, hoping that we will eventually see His glorious plan for each of us!

#2--The Strangest Coincidence!
After visiting the Sear's Tower, we changed our dinner plans and decided to go to Giardino's Pizza instead of Uno's. When we asked whether they could accommodate a group of 26, the hostess said, "Well, we can, but it's weird because we just had another party of 26 come in here--some church group."
Guess who the other church group was?? Emmanuel Baptist's Youth Group--from Shreveport, Louisiana! Immediately people from both groups got up & started greeting & hugging each other & sharing stories. What were the odds of that??

#3--Some unexpected music!!
As we approached Millennium Park, we heard music playing in the distance. We soon found out that it was the Grant Park Orchestra rehearsing for their concert tonight. We all just plopped down on the grass & listened to Prokofiev's Romeo & Juliet until it was time to move on!!

2006-06-19T16:21:00.000-07:00

Day 7--6/13/06
When you say the same prayer in church, it tends to lose a little bit of its meaning. It's not intentional, of course...but it happens.

I discovered yesterday, however, that taking it out of context can be a powerful experience. Before we sang at a nursing home in Marion, Illinois, we all gathered in a circle & said the Lord's Prayer together. For me, at least, it was a very powerful prayer experience.

2006-06-19T16:14:00.000-07:00

Day 6--6/12/06
As I explained the Surprise Me experiment to Rachel on the bus & showed her my journal entries, she said, "Wow! This reminds me of something I learned at camp last week!"
Rachel spent the last 6 days working as a counselor at a Jewish day camp. She said that the kids were encouraged to perform a good deed everyday--a "mitzvah" (which literally means "commandment") Each afternoon, they would all go outside, stand in a circle, & one by one would share their mitzvahs. They applauded each other's deeds and encouraged one another to do more. "If everyone received that kind of positive reinforcement for doing the right thing," she concluded, "think how much better the world would be!"

In Hebrews 10:24-25, Paul tells us to "consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching."

How often do we actually listen to those words???

2006-06-19T16:10:00.000-07:00

6/11/06--Day 5
I've spent the better half of this last week in Longview, exhausting myself in three-hour rehearsals for the opera Tosca & running on just a few hours of sleep. My attitude ranged from excited ("Hooray! My first opera!") to discouraged ("I will NEVER EVER be able to play that run") to just plain negative ("I have to go rehearse AGAIN???")

Last night was the final performance. Before the curtain went up, my stand partner, who also was my violin teacher for 13 years, said, "All you have to do tonight is have fun."

So I did. I really got into the music & allowed myself to fully enjoy the melodies. I didn't hit every note....but that was ok. By taking the pressure off myself, I discovered new things about the music that I had never noticed before.

2006-06-19T16:03:00.000-07:00

Day 4-6/10/06
"Allright, so let me get this straight: I'm going to have my foot on the brake & the clutch, put the car in reverse, pull up on the emergency brake, then move my right foot to the accelerator while I let off the clutch?"

That was me, sitting in the driver's seat of Jordan's gray Honda Civic--my first lesson in driving a standard. Jordan assured me that I did indeed have the sequence down in my head but warned me that it might take several tries. I nodded and took a deep breath. Five seconds later, I stalled out.

For some reason, I always thought that the most difficult part about driving a standard was switching gears. As a passenger, I never understood the secret cues that prompted the driver to move down into first gear, up into second gear, and so on. But all I was trying to do was back out of my driveway--a task which required no gear changes. Somehow I hadn't anticipated the difficulty that came along with the clutch. I assumed that it was just like all the other pedals down there. Sure, it was a shame that I didn't have three feet, one to operate each pedal--but how much harder could it be than a brake or an accelerator?

Life is funny sometimes. We spend all our time anticipating and worrying about some difficulty that we expect to face, even if we don't know exactly what we're going to do about it. And then, while we're busy with that, something new crops up to surprise and challenge us. Or maybe it's not something new--maybe it's something that has always been there, that we just never really thought about.

I'll spare you the details of the rest of the lesson. Let's just say that my second attempt resulted in Jordan pulling up on the emergency brake really quickly to stop the car. And the third attempt gave my mom her own surprise for the day, when I peeled out in my own driveway.

I'm going to try again soon. Now that I've tried it once, I'm determined to actually learn what I'm doing. But next time, I'll be ready for the clutch!

2006-06-09T11:23:00.000-07:00

This morning, I ate breakfast with my best friend, who just returned from Russia a week ago and is leaving this afternoon to spend the rest of her summer in Baton Rouge. We talked a lot about how weird it is to return home after a year in college. My relationships, with both people and places, have changed. All the people that I've known forever--the same ones for whom I was so homesick during the year--are different from the way they were when I left them a year ago. It doesn't mean that I love them any less, but my feelings have definitely been bittersweet. In some ways I feel like I'm a year behind, it's impossible for me to catch up.
But now I think I know what it means to pick up where you left off. It's about loving someone without knowing what's going on in their day-to-day activities. It's about staying friends with people just because of who they are & not because you hang out everyday. And when you finally meet up again, it's about still being able to connect over a plate of waffles!

2006-06-08T07:09:00.000-07:00

Day 2!
So far, so good. I can't say I was radically surprised on the first day with some kind of lightning-bolt-from-heaven experience--which is probably a very good thing. However, I did find this great link: http://www.churches.com/books/index.html. Apparently this book gives you some kind of guaranteed method to hear the voice of God and teaches you how to be blessed. The tag line is "Do you desire to be debt-free, healed, no more lack, plenty, abundance, and more?" Sounds like a great deal to me!
Somehow, though, I think the whole thing is a bit more subtle than the marketing would lead you to believe. Otherwise, everyone in the world would own a copy. I think more often God talks to us through a person, a song, or perhaps just one word. Yesterday, for me, that word was hesed.
At Shekinah last night, we were working on the song Forever by Chris Tomlin. The song is based on Psalm 136, and Annette led us in a devotion based on that psalm. If you've never read Psalm 136 before, it's 26 verses long, and each verse contains the refrain "His love endures forever." The word "love" is translated from the Hebrew word hesed, and Annette explained that the connotation of the word hesed implies more than just the feeling of love. Instead, it refers to the steadfast, committed love and mercy of God. It is pure and unconditional, and it never fails: it really does endure forever.

My Bible translated the phrase as "His lovingkindness is everlasting." What a great word--lovingkindness! Today, as I pray the prayer for God to surprise me, I am going to try even harder to be a living example of His lovingkindness--His hesed.

2006-06-07T07:09:00.000-07:00

Surprise Me, God.

There. I did it: my first Surprise Me prayer. To some extent it seems inadequate--are three words enough? It feels almost like I'm cheating God (and myself) out of some kind of meaningful meditation experience. Usually when I think about setting aside time to pray, I expect that it will take a significant amount of time. And yet, I could pray hundreds of these Surprise Me prayers & still find that they have not taken much time out of my day.

That's exactly the point of this, I guess. It's too easy for me to shut God out of my life just because I'm busy. Maybe I'm too tired at nighttime to pray, or I just forget in the morning. But today is different. It took me less than two seconds to center my thoughts on God and on what He is doing in my life. I'm excited about the first day of this experiment--I'll let you know how it goes.

2006-06-06T07:06:00.000-07:00

Welcome!!! This is the official blog of the Noel Youth Bible Study for summer 2006!!!

This site is designed to be a forum for self-reflection throughout the summer as we embark on a extraordinary faith experiment. You can philosophize, you can rant, you can explain what's going on in your life. Try to see the world from a new perspective and look for ways in which God is surprising you. Your posts can be two sentences long or four pages; it's completely up to you!!

So how do you join?? Easy! Just send me an email at jamar@email.unc.edu or cjamar@noelumc.org and let me know that you want to become a part of what's going on. I'll send you an invitation through email which will have instructions about what to do next. It should be pretty self-explanatory, but let me know if you have problems.

Thanks for sharing the journey with me! I can't wait to begin!
Callie